My war on food isn't getting better, it's getting worse. Becides the fact that people are using it against me to manipulate me. (IE: If you don't finish your lunch, I'll never play cribbage with you again. If you don't eat dinner, I'm going to tell everyone you stalked a Costco employee. If you don't eat tomorrow, I'm telling everyone you're really Jimmy Hoffa. See, evil people.) And becides the fact that it hurts like some granny smacking you upside the tummy with her cane, it's starting to take upon new symptoms that are really very uncomfortable.



I ate yesterday for the first time in two days, and shortly after eating (Applesauce, cottage cheese and an english muffin..sans butter because I don't eat butter) I was dragged to Costco. (Well, not dragged...driven...Costco, for those of you who don't know, is like a warehouse place where you can buy stuff in bulk, you have to be part of/own a company that has a membership there to get a card...well, you used to anyway.)

While walking through Costco I was suddenly taken over by the wonderful feeling of nausea. In fact, it was mostly the feeling you get before you get to revisit your last meal, but without the whole throwing up part. So, I wandered around Costco having a plesant little coversation with mysef....



You can't throw up in Costco you know.


I know I can't...I'm not going to, will you please stop looking at the meat? You're not helping you know.


It's just meat, would you rather I take a peek at what the sample ladies are giving out? I never realized Coscto smelled so much like food. We should buy some muffins, how about a chicken? They bake them here, so you can eat it right away...hey, you know..you don't look so good. Are you going to throw up? You can't throw up in Costco you know.


I'm not going to throw up. Please stop it...let's go look at books.

You're standing in meat section. How would that look if you threw up all over the Chuck Roast? Everyone else would start throwing up, on the Turkey, the Ham...even on the Chicken. Lord knows the Chicken never did anything to you to merit that kind of treatment. Poor Costco, the headlines would scream about this whole fiasco, they'd lose millions. Costco would never let you back in. They'd sue.


Will you please stop saying that?


Stop saying what? How about something frozen? We'll pop it in the oven when we get home. You can't throw up here either, no one wants to look at the butter case with puke in front of it. Ooo! More samples!


Throw up! Stop saying throw up! How can I not throw up when every two seconds you're saying throw up? Will you go away? I don't feel good, and don't you dare go over to the sample lady.


Well, fine. Geehsh, I was just asking because I care. You don't have to get all angry with me. I'll go away if you want me to...but first...how about a sample?


Will you just please shut up!?


But...it's Ravioli. I thought you liked Ravioli? You know, you don't look so good. You're not going to throw up are you? You can't throw up in Costco you know.


AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRGH!