I was in The Dollar Tree (I heart) the other day buying cheap and worthless items for the YCC Party the other day. Cheap and worthless because to a bunch of 2 to 12 year old kids the cost of the item doesn't matter, all that matters is that it tastes like refined white sugar and resembles severed parts. Oh, and if it makes noises that resemble human bodily functions, the more the better.

While I was there, I ran into (almost literally because she's nearly blind) my Great Aunt. I was holding the door open for all the people coming in and going out, like a polite girl should, when she walked by me. My Great Aunt is the type of person who reuses plastic wrap, feeds her guests ten year old frozen left overs, and goes to places like The Dollar Tree to buy off-brand German Chili for twenty cents a can. She also turns her hearing aid off whenever you talk to her.

Yeah, one of those relitives.

"Hi Darthee" I say, ever the nice tolerant neice, "How are you today?"

Yes, her name is Darthee. Spelt just like that. Don't ask me, I can't tell you.

She squinted at me for thirty seconds before saying, "And who is it I'm speaking to?" Which is exactly what I figured she'd say, after all, I'm the invisible one in the family.

"It's Jamie" I reply.

It's here where I am highly thinking of tracking down the services of a good clergy man and begging for forgiveness. Because, when she asked who I was, I, with horrible glee honestly debated the idea of telling her that I was Jesus, landing in the parking lot of the Keizer Dollar Tree on my sparkly white cloud, come to whisk her away from worldy sin, and take her home.

It was mean, and I apologize.