8.28.2003

"Hey, spare me some change." He said, a foot away from them, waving his sign in their faces. His body language spelling out how he deseved all the loose silver in their purses and he deserved it right now. Maybe the copper too.

It was a pretty typical afternoon walking across the strip mall parking lot. Upper 80's, sun was shining, and the obligitory homeless man was accosting customers on the sidewalk. Shabby clothes, cardboard sign, sporting brand new nikes on his supposedly weary feet.

And they ignored him.

"You've got your whole lives ahead of you, you fat cows!" The three girls just sidesteped him and walked on. He walked on as well, in the other direction. One of those huffy angry walks, where you walk far fast and the red dosen't always let you see where you are going. Turning and twisting all the while to shake your fist at the object that made you so very livid. He turned completely around just as we stepped on to the sidewalk.

"Someday you could be in my situation! Homeless!" He screamed, his face red and his arms making wild, innapropriate gestures in the general direction of receeding backs. "Someday you'll be homeless just like me and that will teach you. Fucking bitch cunts." Still screaming at people who were long gone about how he deserved it, and muttering to everyone, and maybe even God, just how egocentric the people who had it all truly are, he turned and stormed down the sidewalk.

Pushing the door to the sporting goods store open I couldn't help but comment. "Nothing invokes a sense of charity in a person like a mouth full of slander."


I conciter myself a decent person. I can empathize with people who are in bad situations and I have no second thoughts or tiny voices asking me what in the world I think doing when I help them out. I don't ask what I'll get from it, it's just instinct. I like to help people, I like doing things for people. I don't do this to validate anything deep seeded nurosis or as a pathetic plea for friendship and I get highly offended when that is eluded to me. I enjoy it, and it is who I am, and if someone dosen't like that, then they don't like me being myself, and that isn't my problem.

I've worked hard on developing myself into what I think is a good person, a strong, well rounded, decent person who enjoys who she is and what she does. I don't feel I have to apologize, make exscuses, or explain myself to anyone about anything I do. I've still got weird things I'm working through, like letting people make me feel like I'm not good enough, or feeling like I have to apologize for every time someone else takes something wrong. I don't, I don't think anyone elses thoughts, I don't threaten their lives or leech on to them with my amazing psychic powers to force them to react the way they do, and I'm not responsible for how they take things in situations. I know I handle every situation to the very best of my abilities, and that's all I can do. If someone dosen't like that, well, that's just too bad for them. Maybe they need to work on their ability to handle situations, insted of questioning mine.

I still worry too much about hurting peoples feelings by speaking up for myself, which leads to me taking alot of oozing worthless verbal vomit off people because I still believe on alot of levels that letting them rip me apart with steely words is akin to respecting their opinion. That because they're my friends, and I respect them as people, that what they have to say is important enough for me to ignore the fact that it's innapropriate, cruel, or in most cases, wrong. I just let them have their say and change the subject, I don't take it to heart, because nobody knows me better then I know myself, and I don't lie to myself about how I am and what problems I do and don't have. I also don't defend myself when I'm attacked, and that in itself is almost as bad as lying to myself would be. Thus, I have a deilema.

Do you defend your own honor at the risk of potentally hurting a friend, which is breaking a cardnal rule in itself, or do you forsake yourself for someone elses opinion, just because they're a friend?

Of course, if they were really friends in the first place, they wouldn't be doing these things. That's always a good point.







8.20.2003

What's the proper Elizabethan torture to implement for a neighbor that points a sprinklers stream directly into your open bedroom window for roughly five hours thus soaking everything inside your room to the core, including electronics and your matress? While we're at it, what is also the correct form of agony to mortally wound a health insurance company that says you have 'till the 20th of the month to pay your premium and you pay it over a week before it's due and they cut you off anyway four days before your payment deadline?

Thumb screws? Boiled? Iron Maidens? Presses? Hot pokers to gouge out their eyes while giggling with horrific glee?

Just curious.

8.09.2003

Rhea Rhyolin: I posted about my latest evil deed as a sister
SaetanSadiablo: Which was?
Rhea Rhyolin: Scaring the crap out of my brother by giving him a family heirloom ring to give to his girlfriend as an engagment ring. He keeps bringing up marrage to me on the sly, all casual like, no big deal right? But he hasn't given her a ring. He about had a heart attack when I told him I was giving it to him today on the phone...he was like "WHY??!?!?!" I could feel the male race cringing in horror. It was amusing. Then I told him because he needed to give her a ring (what kind of freaking boyfriend was he anyway?) and then he was all 'Yeah yeah, bring it over she'll be soooo shocked, and blah blah blah' so I packed it up in a velvet ring box and took it over. The man better give it to her in a nice way, or I'll shoot him.
Rhea Rhyolin: Hence, I am an evil sister! He never would have done it himself, I know my brother
SaetanSadiablo: lol.
SaetanSadiablo: That is evil.
Rhea Rhyolin: I know...I'm so happy!
Rhea Rhyolin: lol....I don't get to do evil often
SaetanSadiablo: I bet you are.