I conciter myself a decent person. I can empathize with people who are in bad situations and I have no second thoughts or tiny voices asking me what in the world I think doing when I help them out. I don't ask what I'll get from it, it's just instinct. I like to help people, I like doing things for people. I don't do this to validate anything deep seeded nurosis or as a pathetic plea for friendship and I get highly offended when that is eluded to me. I enjoy it, and it is who I am, and if someone dosen't like that, then they don't like me being myself, and that isn't my problem.

I've worked hard on developing myself into what I think is a good person, a strong, well rounded, decent person who enjoys who she is and what she does. I don't feel I have to apologize, make exscuses, or explain myself to anyone about anything I do. I've still got weird things I'm working through, like letting people make me feel like I'm not good enough, or feeling like I have to apologize for every time someone else takes something wrong. I don't, I don't think anyone elses thoughts, I don't threaten their lives or leech on to them with my amazing psychic powers to force them to react the way they do, and I'm not responsible for how they take things in situations. I know I handle every situation to the very best of my abilities, and that's all I can do. If someone dosen't like that, well, that's just too bad for them. Maybe they need to work on their ability to handle situations, insted of questioning mine.

I still worry too much about hurting peoples feelings by speaking up for myself, which leads to me taking alot of oozing worthless verbal vomit off people because I still believe on alot of levels that letting them rip me apart with steely words is akin to respecting their opinion. That because they're my friends, and I respect them as people, that what they have to say is important enough for me to ignore the fact that it's innapropriate, cruel, or in most cases, wrong. I just let them have their say and change the subject, I don't take it to heart, because nobody knows me better then I know myself, and I don't lie to myself about how I am and what problems I do and don't have. I also don't defend myself when I'm attacked, and that in itself is almost as bad as lying to myself would be. Thus, I have a deilema.

Do you defend your own honor at the risk of potentally hurting a friend, which is breaking a cardnal rule in itself, or do you forsake yourself for someone elses opinion, just because they're a friend?

Of course, if they were really friends in the first place, they wouldn't be doing these things. That's always a good point.