My template is missing. Isn't that great? Yeps...just what my evening needed. ;)

I'm sitting here working on a layout for this site, which is supposed to open noon tomorrow for a little overnighter blog thing we're doing to celebrate the opening of our new home.

Let me say it now. Great. Big. Ha.

I spent most of the evening trying to get Moveable Type to work, and it wouldn't, and finally installed Greymatter which decided it would be sweet and work for me. It's (GM) working peachy fine now, thank goodness. Only took about three hours and a whole entire vocabulary of vulgar Sailor-isims that I didn't even know I knew. Now I just have to put together a layout, get it all working, and make it look reasonably decent in time for our opening tomorrow. (Well, decent enough that no one pukes up their guts if they choose to visit, or, God grant us and protect us, visit twice.) I'm sure I can do it, I'm just so...so...sore. It hurts to move and breathe, and as much as I can't stand sounding like a whiner...::whine:: it huuuuu-uuurts. I feel like someones been beating me with a bag of oranges.

What? Wha'd I get for Christmas? You don't really want to know do you? You do?

Weirdo.

I got a really awesome frog vase and an aromatherapy kit from Bob. (The guy my mom is dating) I got frog socks, some frog figurines, pots and pans for my place (which I NEEDED) a couple books...fun stuff! I however, once again, didn't get salt and pepper shakers. Two years in my place this June and I STILL don't have them.

Someone buy me salt and pepper shakers!

Another Christmas has gone. ::waves bye:: Mine was pretty good, I hope you all had a great one. You deserve it. I spent most of the day at my Moms, had dinner...she had a house full. Then a bunch of people trompped over to my house because I was the offical Preset Wrapper Keeper and everyones stuff was at my house. Remind me to be more organized next time I do that, ok?

I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season, and a great new year. :)

30% of my hits are comprised of the people who refresh over and over and over to see all my quotes. It's nice to know other people are as easily amused by that as I am.

You would think after two decades of doing Christmas shopping I would learn not to attept it when there is only four days left till Christmas, but unfortunatly I'm a dork, and obviously I don't learn from prior holiday fiascos. It's at these times I realize how painful being stupid can be. :)

Last night at about 8:30 (right after I got off work) I decided to head out to Wal-Mart and spend money I don't have (See: Jailtime) on stuff for Christmas because my siblings weren't getting anything because my mom is just as bad off as I am. (We're getting our power shut off on the same day. How's that for mother-daughter activites?) In fact, they don't have a tree! But I got some money today so I'm going to go get them one, because they need one. Yeah..anyway...

Pulling into the Wal-Mart parking lot was a sign from above that it wasn't one of my better ideas. There's a point in which a crowded parking lot turns into the scene for a bloody disaster movie in which the ground shakes and opens up and swallows all the screaming plastic-happy little Christmas shoppers and cars pile upon cars until they touch the sky and you can't even begin to see the front of the store. The parking lot was a mear few minutes from reaching this point. I was wondering if I could get in and get out before I ended up falling down a bottomless hole through the center of the earth, knowing my luck, probably not.

The holiday season was obviously all around me, from the first minute out of the car I was filled with the immense joy of Christmas with the loving, caring, happy-filled snippets of conversation I overheard. If you just would have cleaned the back of the car out, it would have fit! You're so fucking dumb. Oh yes, Christmas has arrived.

The actual shopping was uneventful. As usual everything was picked over (again, you think I'd learn?) and overpriced. (29 bucks for a G.I. Joe? I think not.) We got some things, and headed for the check-out counter. The lines were long, and the smell of Wal-Mart's in house McDonalds was pushing me to the point of yuking on the poor man in front of me shoes, I decided to go outside. :)

Stale coffee, car exsaust, cold Oregon air and unruly children. Christmas! Got to love it. The poor sky so lit up by streetlights of down town I couldn't decide if it was plum or dusty rose. Snippets of conversation where every third was in Spanish (no offense to hispanic people....). Almost-car accidents, snippets of English conversation...

Why do you jump into conversations that aren't any of your...

I still have what you got me...

I know what the perfect gift...

Hold on to the cart, hold on to the cart...

You almost got hit by a car, that's so funny...


Yeah. Right. So after about 20 minutes of watching people, freezing my tootsies off and wondering why the hell I did this again this year, my partner in sufferage came out of the store and we left. We weren't finished, so we went to Fred Myers. Again like last year, Fred Myers was empty and cheaper. You think I'd learn.

You know what I hate? When someone steals your domain.

You know what I hate more then that? When they offer to sell it back to you for fifty thousand dollars.

%&#@.

I'm eating potato chips dipped in mashed potatos.

No..I swear I'm not pregnant.

I'm actually kind of upset. I'm broke. (Not just broke, really broke. Extremely broke. Powershuttingoffevictionwatershuttingoffnofood broke.) I can't afford a Christmas tree and probably won't get one. I didn't have one last year eaither because I couldn't afford it. All I wanted for my birthday was an Ice Cream cake and I got one of those, all I want for Christmas is a tree.

See, I don't ask for much.

Happy Birthday Michael! :)

You know I love ya right? ::grin:: Hope you have a good one. (Yes, I know it's tomorrow)

I'm having a rash of very weird dreams, weird enough that they've been turned into short story plots. (My favorite kind of dreams, to be honest) Not this one though, this one...I think it confirms the fact that I'm insane.

I was in the park next to the house I used to live in up in Eastern Oregon, it was the city park and it was pretty small. Next to the swing set was a huuuuuge old oak tree that had been there for ages. Next to the fence between the park and the house I lived in, was a little grove type area of little trees and lillac trees.

I was talking to some friends and walking next to the little grove and suddenly a huge swarm of bees comes flying out of the oak tree and attacks me. I swat at them but they don't go away so I go running, like the idiot I am, and run through the fence into the yard. The bees followed me though and started stinging me, and I was screaming and everything...

Then something startled me and woke up. What was weird about all that? When I woke up I was staring at my wall and I swear there was six or seven spiders crawling up my wall. I "eww"ed and jumped up out of bed and turned on the light. When I went back over to the wall to look, there were no spiders.

See, that proves it. I'm crazy.

::bursts into tears::

I'm loved!

Look! Kimmi Boo made this for me. ::sniffles:: and then today, I found this one in my mailbox.

Thank you. ::sniffles:: I love them.

Happy Birthday To Me...Happy Birthday To Me...

I hate Malls. I don't like the crowds, or the noise, or the people...or the people. But I like to shop, and in the spirit of Christmas I forgo my deep seeded hate of Malls so I can buy people presents that they need. I went to the mall today, it wasn't that bad this time. Very crowded, very smelly, very noisey...but I found some neat presents for some people.

I went to Made In Oregon, which is an awesome store..which obviously from the title means it carries stuff made in well..Oregon. I love it in there, you can find some of the greatest and neatest things. Yep, some people did get presents from there...what? You? Maybe you...you never know. I also found some neat presents in a couple other stores.

I also took a detour to Best Buy, a store I don't care for, to pick up some CD-R's. While we were there I saw one reason why I hate crowds. Some lady had brought her one/two year old and the kid was screaming and crying, so she 'osshy gooshied' it and let her down. She completely ignored the kid while the kid pulled almost a entire half-asle of products off the shelf.

Talk about bad parenting.

Stupid dumb people started a new list. Do I care? No..it just hurts my feelings really bad when people are cruel when I didn't do anything.

Nada, bipkiss, nothing. I'm NICE! Why do people want to be mean to the nice person?

That's ok! Who needs them! Yeah..then why do I feel like crying?

For those of you who know me, you know about Hot Lake. If you don't...Hot Lake is a old closed resort/hospital in Eastern Oregon that's haunted. I also own the only web site on it on the `net. (I don't count pages that have one picture of it as a site. Sorry.) I probably can't say that for long, because it's gaining popularity, but for now I can say with pride, I'm the only freak with a site on Hot Lake.

Anyway, about a year ago I opened a mailing list so fans of Hot Lake could chat. We did pretty good, got about 70 members through it's year alive, but unfortuantly 90% of the members we got couldn't get along for the life of themselves. Even if Satan was standing there pushing a pitchfork up their backside they'd still bitch about someone else on that list. After a year of this constant childish bickering and personal attacks on me because of other members behavors I deleted the list. (R.I.P at exactly 12:00 pm on December 7th 2001.)

The straw that broke the camels back, so to speak? Due to a fight that started last Summer I had to make a rules txt that autosent to the list once a month, well someone 'didn't like it' and demanded I stop sending them the rules. Another person did, then another. So I wrote and said..don't like it, remove yourself. Ta-ta baby. The rules are there so you know, and it's not changing. Well, proably to chap my hide, someone wrote a letter that just said 'fuck' over and over. He wanted a rise out of me, and I didn't do it..in fact I removed him with a smile. :) Then someone wrote a letter about having sex in Hot Lake, well...they thought it was a great topic. I found it disrespectful to the building, their spouces and the rest of us, but I ignored it because I was sick of dealing with them. Well, other people thought the same as me, and wrote and said so..which started a fight.

Since one of the people who wrote and said it was disgusting knew me, someone ELSE on the list wrote and said I was sticking up for the friend I know, and wait..here..read it yourself:

I just wanted to tell you and everyone elce that I am sorry for what I said today, I didnt do it to fight with anyone, someone posted a question and I posted my answer, thats all, some people got defencive and I told them I was sorry, they called me names and I defended myself, Thats it, I said to everyone that I was sorry and that was it,

You know, You may get mad at me for saying this but I am going to say it anyways, Their have been alot of problems with this groop because of people, and I understand how you can be upset because of all of it, I would be too.
I went by your rules, I defended people, I have been a good member, Up till today, Someone Posted a question regarding HOTLAKE ( It wasent off topic if it was about hotlake ) and I posted my answer to it, People got upset when they seen it, SO I said I was sorry ! And the people who got upset posted messages calling me and others who posted a reply, names ! You tell me how you can defend those people, What they should have done is post a message asking us to stop thay they dont want to read that, Insted they run to you and post mean messages, and You can say " Oh because they are my friend they are right, and this person whom I dont know is wrong ......

So that is what I have to say on this and if you would like to remove me from the mailing list you may do so, I hope you dont, But even if you do it wouldnt make me like Hotlake any less, and I dont have to be in a mailing list to just to prove how much I like Hotlake.

Now, theres a nice backhanded apology. First of all, I never defended a soul. Because I believe as a fair moderator I can't take sides like that. Otherwise it causes cliques and irrational hate that I really don't need in my life. Duh, what do you think 'moderator' means?

So...I was angry, because I never said a thing, and it's been a year of BS like that. I was angry and HURT, I'm very hurt. I've done nothing but run for these people, found them information, worked my tush off because THEY want the site open RIGHT NOW. They've never helped, they just fight and bitch. So this is what I wrote:

This is interesting, I don't remember sticking up for anyone. Nor do I remember jumping on anyone for anything. Nor do I remember anyone running to me. Very very interesting, I don't remember defending anyone either.

As moderator of this list I do not take sides.

I believe I've turned a great big blind eye to the events of the last week hoping the members of this list could figure out how to use the list properly without being inappropriate to each other. Unfortunately it seems this is impossible. Not only do the feel the need to fight every time someone says something, they also feel the need to personally bring me in to it when I have absolutely nothing to do with it. Did I get petty about how people didn't want to see the rules, because then they'd have to mind them? No. Did I get upset when I was personally attacked because of the list rules? No. Did I comment about the sex in Hot Lake topic? No. Did I comment about people needing to fight over others opinions? No. My rules are disregarded by every member of this group, and due to this, the list will be permanently closed by 3 pm today.

I'm tired of childish people who can't seem to read what the letters say and get along.

Now, if I hadn't been angry, I could have handled that better. But screw them, I don't want to sugar coat anything for people who treat me in that way. So, I BCC'ed it to the list (she sent it to me directly) and wrote another letter saying the list was closed, and hit that great big delete button sending my list to the places dead lists go in the sky.

I don't know if I feel better or not..I'm still hurt and upset, I don't deserve that kind of treatment because people read what they want insted of reading what's really there.

On another note, I didn't know when you hit delete, it meant gone for good. (ok, I'm stupid..gimme a break) so I had to go make two more lists, one for serious people, and one for idio..er...not serious people. (Sorry..) Neither one will be opened for a long long time, because right now, I could care less.

It's Christmas time...and that damn Prana woman posted one of those nasty thinky-feely posts that actually touched upon something I've been spending some time late at night during while I should be sleeping mulling over. What did that Prana woman write? You ask, all curious now because I've managed to write almost an entire paragraph without 'porn' or 'tushy' being every other word. Well, Prana wrote about how Christmas isn't about the presents (Liar! Blasphemer! My heart it doth break.) and about the people. Which is absolutely true (Even if it causes heartburn like that spicy chicken sandwich I ate from Carls Jr.), and something I think alot of people have lost track of. Even in the wake of what happened in September, in a whole of society we're still entirely too materialy based. You can't take it with you in the end baby, that's why you got ta leave all it to me. Ahh, but that is not my point of this post.

My point is, I've been thinking alot about the people I've lost track of, or those who lost track of me. (Which in essence is the same damn thing, but stop that! It sounds pretty.) There is alot of people I miss, and now that's it's Christmas time, it provokes an even larger feeling of missage then ever. Everyone I've ever met is important to me, all in different ways, and alot of them are important in ways that effected my life greatly. There are a few in general I really really want to talk to, even if it's just to get some closure other then the closure I have. (Hush, it makes sense to me.) Theres alot that I always wonder why in the world I lost track of that person, that person was so great. Then I feel guilty. Guilt..it's what's for dinner.

There is one guy in preticular that's really bothering me. He wanders in and out of my life and it really makes me feel like I'm eaither really annoying (and I am) or not good enough to be friends with. I know it seems like a great big huge sob fest, but really. We've known each other for almost eight years, and for some reason he's one of the few people I really wish I was more involved with. (See: Friendship, you freaks) The last time we talked he really rushed me away, but the time before that he told me how much he wished we were still friends. I love head trips. Honest. It just kind of hurts and makes me go thppp all at once.

Then there are the other friends that just seem to drift to the wayside because of life. Too busy, just forgot, need to write that damn letter! Day leads into week, week into month, month into years, and all of a sudden you realize it's been five years since you spoke to your best friend from Kindergarden and she dosen't even know where you live now or that you married a guy named Jim Bob and you have six kids and a dog named Kazoo.

So, along with lights, and coco, and good friends this Christmas, I'll be sitting here staring at the spot that'll house the tree as soon as I'm non-lazy enough to go out and buy it, and thinking about all those other lost friends out there I'm going find, rebrefriend, and send a Christmas card to. Because I miss them.

ALRIGHT! Ladies and Gents it's offically Christmastime. My first viewing of How The Grinch Stole Christmas (The cartoon, the REAL ONE) has happened. I watch it about 20 times a year.

I love Christmas.