For those of you who know me, you know about Hot Lake. If you don't...Hot Lake is a old closed resort/hospital in Eastern Oregon that's haunted. I also own the only web site on it on the `net. (I don't count pages that have one picture of it as a site. Sorry.) I probably can't say that for long, because it's gaining popularity, but for now I can say with pride, I'm the only freak with a site on Hot Lake.

Anyway, about a year ago I opened a mailing list so fans of Hot Lake could chat. We did pretty good, got about 70 members through it's year alive, but unfortuantly 90% of the members we got couldn't get along for the life of themselves. Even if Satan was standing there pushing a pitchfork up their backside they'd still bitch about someone else on that list. After a year of this constant childish bickering and personal attacks on me because of other members behavors I deleted the list. (R.I.P at exactly 12:00 pm on December 7th 2001.)

The straw that broke the camels back, so to speak? Due to a fight that started last Summer I had to make a rules txt that autosent to the list once a month, well someone 'didn't like it' and demanded I stop sending them the rules. Another person did, then another. So I wrote and said..don't like it, remove yourself. Ta-ta baby. The rules are there so you know, and it's not changing. Well, proably to chap my hide, someone wrote a letter that just said 'fuck' over and over. He wanted a rise out of me, and I didn't do it..in fact I removed him with a smile. :) Then someone wrote a letter about having sex in Hot Lake, well...they thought it was a great topic. I found it disrespectful to the building, their spouces and the rest of us, but I ignored it because I was sick of dealing with them. Well, other people thought the same as me, and wrote and said so..which started a fight.

Since one of the people who wrote and said it was disgusting knew me, someone ELSE on the list wrote and said I was sticking up for the friend I know, and wait..here..read it yourself:

I just wanted to tell you and everyone elce that I am sorry for what I said today, I didnt do it to fight with anyone, someone posted a question and I posted my answer, thats all, some people got defencive and I told them I was sorry, they called me names and I defended myself, Thats it, I said to everyone that I was sorry and that was it,

You know, You may get mad at me for saying this but I am going to say it anyways, Their have been alot of problems with this groop because of people, and I understand how you can be upset because of all of it, I would be too.
I went by your rules, I defended people, I have been a good member, Up till today, Someone Posted a question regarding HOTLAKE ( It wasent off topic if it was about hotlake ) and I posted my answer to it, People got upset when they seen it, SO I said I was sorry ! And the people who got upset posted messages calling me and others who posted a reply, names ! You tell me how you can defend those people, What they should have done is post a message asking us to stop thay they dont want to read that, Insted they run to you and post mean messages, and You can say " Oh because they are my friend they are right, and this person whom I dont know is wrong ......

So that is what I have to say on this and if you would like to remove me from the mailing list you may do so, I hope you dont, But even if you do it wouldnt make me like Hotlake any less, and I dont have to be in a mailing list to just to prove how much I like Hotlake.

Now, theres a nice backhanded apology. First of all, I never defended a soul. Because I believe as a fair moderator I can't take sides like that. Otherwise it causes cliques and irrational hate that I really don't need in my life. Duh, what do you think 'moderator' means?

So...I was angry, because I never said a thing, and it's been a year of BS like that. I was angry and HURT, I'm very hurt. I've done nothing but run for these people, found them information, worked my tush off because THEY want the site open RIGHT NOW. They've never helped, they just fight and bitch. So this is what I wrote:

This is interesting, I don't remember sticking up for anyone. Nor do I remember jumping on anyone for anything. Nor do I remember anyone running to me. Very very interesting, I don't remember defending anyone either.

As moderator of this list I do not take sides.

I believe I've turned a great big blind eye to the events of the last week hoping the members of this list could figure out how to use the list properly without being inappropriate to each other. Unfortunately it seems this is impossible. Not only do the feel the need to fight every time someone says something, they also feel the need to personally bring me in to it when I have absolutely nothing to do with it. Did I get petty about how people didn't want to see the rules, because then they'd have to mind them? No. Did I get upset when I was personally attacked because of the list rules? No. Did I comment about the sex in Hot Lake topic? No. Did I comment about people needing to fight over others opinions? No. My rules are disregarded by every member of this group, and due to this, the list will be permanently closed by 3 pm today.

I'm tired of childish people who can't seem to read what the letters say and get along.

Now, if I hadn't been angry, I could have handled that better. But screw them, I don't want to sugar coat anything for people who treat me in that way. So, I BCC'ed it to the list (she sent it to me directly) and wrote another letter saying the list was closed, and hit that great big delete button sending my list to the places dead lists go in the sky.

I don't know if I feel better or not..I'm still hurt and upset, I don't deserve that kind of treatment because people read what they want insted of reading what's really there.

On another note, I didn't know when you hit delete, it meant gone for good. (ok, I'm stupid..gimme a break) so I had to go make two more lists, one for serious people, and one for idio..er...not serious people. (Sorry..) Neither one will be opened for a long long time, because right now, I could care less.