I hate spam. The last five days almost 70% of the mail I get has been spam. I don't need my penis enlarged, I couldn't care less what 'Ms. Cleo' has to tell me, I don't want to try my luck at an online casino, and if one more person sends me an 'important notification' I'm going to tell them where they can shove their internet cash generator.

I think some cruel disgusting evil person somewhere who hates me (Hurts my feelings..it does..) goes around and signs me up for crap email while giggling in their little maniacal way. Little beady eyes stare at the screen in some dark room on some fourth floor apartment building that smells like month old sweat socks and rotting pizza boxes and this person sits there hunched over a sticky (No, we won't go there) keyboard typing in my email address at 99wpm and screaming their act of revenge to heaven in a high pitched vermin-like voice.

Well, I'm on to you buddy! I know it's not those fabled 'bots' signing me up for crap mail! It's you!