As an unmarried and ohsoinnocent young woman, I know that I always fretted into the wee hours of the morning with horror over my eventual wedding night. All, of course while wearing my neck-to-ankle cotton night gown and thick woolen socks. I am relieved to finally have someone to tell me what I should do.

How embarrassed would I have been? I would have done it all wrong! I would have been nude! I would have not been quiet in the dark and let my husband incur some kind of injury, which I then would have secretly gloated over while he's having his Little Man taped up in the Emergency Room. Oh, the shame! The humiliation! How can I ever face my pure wedded friends again? I should go to confession right now for even thinking of it. I'm not Catholic though, so I'm guessing it doesn't count.

Someone should rewrite this and bring it up to date for this century, where it would be something like:

"Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride on the Conduct and Procedure of Witholding the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Benifit and Growth of Her Wardrobe, Personal Material Holdings, and Ability to Direct the Activities of Her Spouse as God Intended. Glory!"

I'd do it, but since I'm not trapped in the rusty shackles of marriage, I am not an expert on that particular subject.

A Pure and Godly Haiku:

You sinners unclothed!
You must repent now for
God don't wanna see that.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 65 - Praise Jesus!

No comments: