The fact that a pair of small nail clippers for a dog ended up costing me nearly $13.00 really bothers me. It's a pair of nail clippers! It makes it even more sore because I already have a pair, I just can't find the dang things. I think someone stole them, just to watch me have a mild coronary in PetCo over the price of new ones.

I'm guessin the extra cost was for the super swanky non-slip handles, right? Yeah, they're important. I know I always clip my dogs nails right after I've eaten me a big bucket o'chicken, and nothings worse then cutting the nail back further then you meant to because you have greasy hands. Licking them during the process doesn't help either, just so you know.

I have to give the dog a bath tonight, and clip her nails. I'm sure this will thrill her to no end. She hates having her nails clipped worse then she does having a bath. If I go and don't come back, it's because she cleverly positioned herself in such a way that I'd trip over her and break my neck flying into the bathtub. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like a plot that overlooks water. Preferably not a sluice or a drainage ditch. If you put me near one of those, I will know, and I will have to come in all my spectral glory to visit you in the middle of the night. If you're lucky, rattling chains, but most likely, I'll just show up nude. That'll show you.

A haiku:


Dwindling summer.
Avert your eyes from the sales,
Speedos are evil.


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 28

The BBQ went pretty well. There wasn't as many kids there as I was told would be, but it was fun...well, as much fun as you can have with hot dogs as the main course anyway.

Five minutes before class was done, one of the kids fell on top of her sister, and knocked her sisters baby tooth out with her butt. Stuff like that, it takes talent. The younger girl was fine, she was more upset over the blood then she was over actually getting a tooth popped out of her head (by her sisters backside, no less).

They finally started implementing other features of the Youth Program. I now officially (again) no longer have children ages 12 and up, because they go to a separate class. This makes me both sad, and glad. Sad because I created my program to cater to all ages, so everyone had a good time. All my kids (yes, I refer to them as mine) get along and are real friends, so it'll be sad to not have that interaction anymore. Plus, the older kids are a riot.

Glad shouldn't even need to be explained.

Next week I'm going to see if the teacher of the older kids class will get together with me once a month to talk about the youth programs. Also, I want to see if she'll implement the dollar program (I think having the same rewards program through all classes is a good idea) and wants to merge classes on days we have events and stuff (like our Halloween Harvest and Christmas Parties, and the opening of the YCC Store, which is Halloween as well).

Hopefully she's cool with this, otherwise the hundreds of dollars the kids have saved up over the last year are all going to go to waste. Plus, they'll be disappointed, they've really been looking forward to it and really like getting the dollars. It's the only reason they come really, Lord knows it's not because I'm any fun.

Haiku for You:


Summer can be cruel.
Oh, angry yellow jackets
Stinging my ankles.


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 29

My sites are down, so the layout is as well. Hopefully it'll be back up soon, if not, I'll bother James (who's my fantastic and amazing host) about them. He likes being bothered, deep down.

Ah, looks like his site is down as well. Well, that stinks. I hope it's not a serious problem. Maybe I broke it, I'm good at that.

Speaking of breaking things, people have moved into my old apartment (that's the one, for those of you who aren't up to date on this story, that I moved out after four years of living there because the sinks didn't drain, the roof was leaking, the waterheater had exploded all over the garage, the landlady was storing things in my house, the fridge had two inches of ice all over it, the heaters never turned off so I had to disconnect them (or pay a nearly 200 dollar power bill), my water was constantly being used to water other peoples yards AND they flooded my house twice, and there was a termite problem) and are now buying ice and using coolers to store food because the fridge finally died, and the landlady won't buy a new one. The sinks aren't draining as well.

Yes, I know gossiping is a sin, but I do find it really interesting that while I was living there everything was passive-aggressively blamed on me (although I'm not sure how her daughter not paying rent is my fault, or the yard guy not coming and doing the landscaping on time, but both were blamed on me at one point) yet I haven't lived there for almost a year now, and the same problems still exist.

I don't wish any ill on her, and I do hope that the problems right themselves. I would have been the first to say so if the problems there had been my fault, it's just nice in a vindictive and petty sort of way to get confirmation that they really weren't, even if I already knew it.



THotD:


Digital stupor.
I am not downloading Warez.
So what's the problem?


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 31

I got M&N International's new fall/winter catalog in the mail today. How can you not get giddy over 226 pages of nothing but holiday and party decorations plopped directly in your mailbox? I know I just about wet myself.

I love decorations. I am a self proclaimed decoration slut. Really. I get all weak in the knees over crepe paper and balloons. I could care less about the party, my favorite part is the decorating.

I have a bunch of holiday parties coming up after September. One is a 'harvest' party for the YCC, since Halloween falls directly on a class day. I don't like calling them 'Harvest Parties', because it seems blasphemous to the Great Holiday that is Halloween. But, I'd rather roll my eyes and say Harvest then have some parent somewhere mad at me because their kid doesn't celebrate Halloween because it's the Satan's holiday, and how dare I. It takes all the fun out of it when you have Party Poopers for parents, or when the person throwing the party gets slapped or told she made Baby Jesus cry. Poor kids. Besides, you'd think it would be obvious what kind of party it was when you show up and there is black plastic for walls, blood smeared on the floor, and spiders and witches dangling from the ceiling.

I'm thinking of sewing my own costume this year. It sounds daunting, but it might be a good challenge. I liked the idea of a really cool silver, black and red Pierrot costume, but then I decided that Jesters are far less scaring to some people. So, I'm thinking a Jester. I have a Jesters wand and everything, I'll probably just get fabric to match that. Unfortunately the majority of it is pink, so I may have to stick with the silver/black/gold colors that is on it instead. Pink is a disgusting color. I want to look nifty, not like a giant Pepto bottle.

Although, that's a good idea. I could be super annoying in my pink costume made from cardboard, and walk around singing that dumb jingle Pepto's got going, and do the stupid little 'I shouldn't have eaten that six week old pizza' dance that goes with it. I could even make it scratch-and-lick!

Whatcha think? Heeyy! Pepto Bismol...

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 32

Is anyone else (besides those of you who are members of TCB Wrimos and I already know about) doing NaNoWriMo this year? Only 65 days to go, boys and girls! Plenty of time to get some plot notes pounded out.

For those of you who don't know. NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, where in you panically write a 50,000 word novel in the 31 days that November hath. You can't pre-write anything, but you are allowed to make plot outlines and notes. It's insane, but major fun. Sign ups open on October 1st. You should join. Yes, I'm pimping.

If you are joining, and want to join TCB Wrimos, a NaNo group, you're more then welcome. The group is pretty small (there are only about 10 people right now), and we can't get you free medication for the month of November, or save you money on your car insurance, but we are very friendly and supportive.

I've already got the plot, 90% of my characters, and a whole slew of notes. So I'm pretty confidant in my story this year. Hopefully I make it to the finish line. I haven't won in two years, and it's really got me down. (See: pathetic) What I really need is a secluded island and a harem of Cabana boys at my beck and call. That'll get me writing.

Hey - the 1000th post is coming up shortly. Any suggestions on what it should be?

A haiku:


Kittens everywhere.
One in my file cabinet,
how did it get there?


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 33

Filtched from Mac at Pesky Apostrophe:


Your name spelled backwards.
Eimaj

Where were your parents born?
Salem, Oregon and I'm not sure, I think Portland.

What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Detective Academy Q Episode 22. Long live Otakus! I'm such a geek.

What's your favorite restaurant?
Newport Bay. I love their fried zucchini.

Last time you swam in a pool?
Two weeks or so ago. Finally, my hair doesn't feel like straw anymore. Yay.

Have you ever been in a school play?
Yep. I always landed the roles of the crazies. And if I wasn't acting, I was a techie.

How many kids do you want?
I don't want any. Thanks anyway!

Type of music you dislike most?
Country and Rap.

Are you registered to vote?
Yep yep!

Do you have cable?
Cable modem, not cable TV though. This makes me sad, but in reality, it's not like I have time to watch TV anyway.

Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Uhhu. I crashed one into berry briars ones. It was smooth of me.

Ever prank call anybody?
Yeah, but not often. I always felt bad about it.

Ever get a parking ticket?
Nope!

Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Yep. You only die once!

Farthest place you ever traveled.
Not far. I've never been out of the country. I've been to Memphis. Wait, I've been far. I went to Graceland, that's a whole 'nother freaking world.

Do you have a garden?
Yeah. It has one lonely itty bitty pumpkin, and a bunch of lilies.

What's your favorite comic strip?
Something Positive! Technically it's a web comic, but they're all the same right?

Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Yeah. I don't sing it though. I also don't cover my heart or stand when a flag passes by. It's because I'm a terrorist. Ask anyone.

Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Showers at any time. I love baths, but I haven't gotten to take them since I moved. It saddens me.

Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Ahh. Well, seeing as how everything I've seen this month has been junk, I'd have to say...ahhh...

Favorite pizza topping?
Olives are divine
Gods bestist idea yet
Hurray for olives!

Chips or popcorn?
Sour cream and onion kettle chips. I hate popcorn, damn hulls.

What color lipstick do you usually wear?
None. My lips are streakers. Completely nude. Unless I'm wearing Burts Bees stuff.

Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Peanut shells?

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
No. Ha!

Orange Juice or apple?
Apple juice is fantastic. Orange juice kills my tender and sensitive tummy.

Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
Ahh. Shoot. Robin and we went to the Mexican place over here that was the only decent one in town. They closed it. It's Italian now. I have yet to go there.

Favorite type chocolate bar?
Chocolate is the work of the devil.

When was the last time you voted at the polls?
Um...I voted against some measure last year? It went through anyway. Bloody shame, it cut a bunch of funding from schools and stuff. Morons.

Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Not for a while. I know where some tomato plants are though, this question makes me want to sneak over and steal one.

Have you ever won a trophy?
No. My life is incomplete now! I never realized how sad I was for not winning a trophy! I think someone should give me one. Um, how about 'Best Jamie Ever'? That would do.

Are you a good cook?
Yeah. I give good eats.

Do you know how to pump your own gas?
No. It's actually illegal to pump your own gas here in Oregon. We hire people to do it for us, because we're civilized.

Ever order an article from an infomercial?
..........No. Honest.

Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite. Yum.

Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Yeah. I worked as a medical records specialist for a while. Even though we were in the records room, on the second floor of the clinic, and nobody saw us ever they thought it would create camaraderie if we all dressed in dopey outfits with our name tags pinned two fingers down our left shoulder at all times. I didn't even get to wear stupid scrubs, it was dumb black slacks and scary buttoned maroon shirts. Maroon! Not even a nice maroon either, a scary maroon. Jevus! Needless to say, I didn't stay in that job very long.

Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
Shoot. Vicodin? I can't even spell the stuff. I got it, like, two and a half years ago almost? I was sick...they made me sicker.

Ever throw up in public?
Not that I remember?

Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
Millions. I can buy love with millions, baby. Seriously.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Sure. I love all types of cowboys at first sight.

Ever call a 1-900 number?
Yes, but your mommy told me to stop calling her.


Wait...that was mean, sorry.

Can ex's be friends?
Yep. Yep yep yep.

Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
My Grandfather, right before he passed away from Cancer.

Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Red hair. Bright scary carrot red hair. It fell out though.

What message is on your answering machine?
That scary mechanical man guy who comes on the answering machine when you buy it.

What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
Mister Robinson

What was the name of your first pet?
Um. Sally? I think.

What is in your purse?
You seriously want to know? My hairbrush, my day planner, a mini day planner, my wallet (with the obligatory cards in it), my bankbook (with a five buck check that needs to be deposited. Wow! I'm rich!), my business bankbook, Burts Bees lip stuff, my class schedule for CCC, a zillion pens, a broken opal ring in a ziplock baggie, scrunchies, a bunch of papers that I have no idea what they are, two lollipops, business cards, my keys, a froggy change purse (with two cents inside!), one of those bubble gum machine capsules with a mini-mini alien guy in it, and a pair of sunglasses in a cute knit case. Know what? I need a bigger purse.

Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Read. Write. Stalk unsuspecting victims.

What is one thing you are grateful for today?
I'm not dead. It's all good, yo.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 34

Robin and I share an office. We sit, oh, maybe five feet away from each other. (More so on bad days, or days she hasn't showered. Thinking on it, I am awfully lucky she doesn't read this thing. If she did, knowing my luck, I'd show up to get some work done and there would be peanut butter smeared in my CD drive or something.) And yet, even though we are within smacking distance of one another, we still find it necessary to use Instant Messaging for worthless garbage such as this (keep in mind she was doing research for a CET course she's writing):

Robin: Prior to 9:00 is breakfast, getting dressed, cleaning the kitchen up, etc...
9:00 - Bible time, Sign Language Practice, Phonics
9:30 - Break for chores/playtime
10:00 - Readiness skills, Writing, Arithmetic
10:30- Break for chores/playtime
11:00 - Reading/Poetry Mom reads orally, Children have "quiet" sit-time with a book
11:30 - PE, Science/Health, Social Studies, Music We rotate Science/Health
'Skyte: Bible Time!
'Skyte: Why don't we have Bible Time Mommy?
Robin: This is what you should be doing
Robin: Because you are very bad and God does not want you.
'Skyte: That's ok, Hell sounds like fun anyway!

She's not in here now. Actually, I have no idea where she went, and the sixty some odd messages saying things like "Slacker" and "Get back to work woman" have gone completely unanswered. The nerve of some people.

Your Haiku of the Day:


Would you like to write
a fun haiku of the day?
Now stealing your lines.


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 35

This blog completely cracked me up.

Angry 15 Year Olds For Bush

I haven't laughed this hard in days.

Now, I'm thinking this site is a complete and total yank the chain, but either way I found it hysterical. Firstly, because if it's real, then it completely nulls itself on it's arguments, which the petty girl deep down inside of me gleefully cackles at. I mean....really. I don't think I need to elaborate on why it does this, since reading it should be pretty darn self explanatory. Nobody is going to listen to what you have to say when 'u type lik dis' and post 'BILL CLINTON HAD SEXXX' every six sentences.

On the other hand, if it's meant in jest (and I'm leaning this way), then it amuses me. In a stupid, juvenile, way. I think it's important to have a daily dose of stupid and juvenile. I know that was mine for the day, I'm just passing it along. You can thank me with comments, or even presents, if you're so inclined.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 36

The other day I took my sister school shopping. To the mall. I hate the mall, it's crowded and smelly and full of people's children who are generally obnoxious. They also smell, and take things out of your cart in the department stores, pull stuff off shelves and systematically place it in your path so you're trapped while they run around in circles yelling and touch you with their sticky fingers.

On the way to the Mall of Evil, I was stung twice in the bend of my right arm by a very angry wasp. It definitely did not help me like the idea of going to the mall. After the swelling went down, I was left with two dime size bruises that hurt. I think this alone was a good enough reason to get out of going to the mall, but it didn't work. I was forced to go anyway, because I promised.

Psha. A promise. Who keeps those now days? If our President doesn't, then I definitely don't have to.

While we were there, some guy drove by and quacked at us out his passenger window. Does anyone know what the significance of someone quacking at you is? Besides, you know, senility.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 37

Because I'm a big copycat, I stole Kelly's reading list and put one up on my side bar. Well, I stole the concept, I changed the books. I've actually read the next book on her list, and I loved it. This reading list is the last thing I'll add to my side bar because it's getting pretty long, and nobody reads it anyway.

I went to the coast yesterday, not for anything fun, in fact I didn't even get to see the ocean. I had a meeting. I'm getting pretty darn tired of driving that windy road that makes me completely nauseous and not even seeing the beach. It's really quite cruel. It was raining on the coast as well, which I like. (I guess you'd have to, to live here) I meant to get some pictures of the mountains all foggy as we went over them, but I was too busy trying to focus on the horizon and not vomit all over the other passengers. I figured they'd appreciate that.

Today was Fred's first day of college! Everyone go over and tell him to have a good day. We're awfully proud of him. Someday he'll be rich and support as all!

A haiku:


Today is Monday,
I wish it was Saturday,
So that I could nap.


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 38

I heard from Fred and he's doing fine. Other then the whole car crushed by a tree thing. They don't expect to have power back until Saturday at the earliest. Just, you know, incase anyone else was worried about him. :)

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 39

I pinched a nerve in the bottom of my foot running around like a fool yesterday and my foot is all nice and swollen and it's very painful to walk on. Unfortunately meetings could care less, so I've already been out and about limping from meeting to meeting and trying really hard to make it look attractive.

Limping is not attractive. Especially not when every other step is punctuated by a yelp.

So, hopefully I'm off it for the rest of the work day. I need to rig something so I can put it up, because having it down on the floor under my desk just makes it throb. It's not even a fun type of throb either, I really am so abused.

A haiku:


My feet are begging
with loud ouching and whining:
"Morphine! Be my friend!"


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 40

It amused me enough to edit the template that I added Blogamp and a playlist panel on the side. This is the kind of nonsense I do insted of working. Someone flog me.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 41

Totally not sure if I'm liking the search bar at the top of Blogger, even if you can use it to search my site. (Ok, well that is cool.) I have to tweak my layout so it doesn't overlap now. This makes me Grr and Arg. But, it'll only take a couple break tags, so it's no big woop.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 42

From Mac at Pesky'Apostrophe, go here and copy the text from your birth month into your blog, and then cross out all the negitive stuff that you don't want anyone to know about you. Or, the stuff that doesn't apply, whichever.


DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Hrm. Why is 'crazy' not listed on there? I'm certainly that.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 43

I haven't spoken with Fred since Friday during the hurricane. Last update was the loss of power and a tree falling on his car. It was a truly crushing experience.

All bad jokes aside, I do hope everyone down there is doing alright. Hopefully his cell is in good working order, I'll give him a call later today. Or maybe a tree fell on him and he's dead, but if that's the case, I get dibs on his laptop.

A haiku:


Oh, the time has come,
To start plotting for NaNo,
So that I may fail.


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 44

Is anyone going to watch the Olympics? If so, what parts? I doubt I'll see much of it, because it's not really my thing. I generally don't pay much attention to it when it's around, but I did think this was awesome:


There was huge applause for Afghanistan on its return to Olympic competition after an eight-year absence and with its first female athletes. Coach Nina Suratger, in a shimmering green robe and head scarf, carried the flag.


The entrance of the more than 500-member U.S. team -- led by basketball guard Dawn Staley -- drew cheers. But some people also stood and put their thumbs down in an apparent show of displeasure for the war in Iraq. Moments later, the Iraqis entered to a roaring ovation.

Also, I'm totally rooting for Kiribati. As a newbie country in the Olympics, I'm seriously hoping they go home with something.

A haiku:

Off to play DII.
Gonna really whomp Fred's tush,
While we watch Charley.

Posts before IBOM's 1000th post: 45

Fred is getting ready for Hurricane Charlie. This, is our conversation on it, which just goes to show: no matter what your sexual preference all guys are under the impression that they are invincible.

Rhea Rhyolin: Fantastic, whatcha going to do today?
Saetan SaDiablo: Kick back, and prepare for Charlie.
Saetan SaDiablo: Its gonna hit us, and I have a feeling it might hit hard. ::stretch:: This ought to be fun.
Rhea Rhyolin: Yeah? You got like boarded windows?
Saetan SaDiablo: We're not boarding our windows. ::looks horrified::
Saetan SaDiablo: Its so cliche.
Saetan SaDiablo: I'm gonna get the tools and stuff put away that's outside, and probably make sure our yard doesn't have crud in it that'll go through our unboarded windows.
Rhea Rhyolin: Are other people? How close are you to where it's supposed to hit?
Saetan SaDiablo: It's on a straight path to us.
Saetan SaDiablo: Its gonna go around the keys and go up, hitting Ft. Myers (About 200 miles south of Tampa, and two hundred miles straight line from us) first, and move northeast.
Saetan SaDiablo: And Florida is very thin, maybe a hundred miles wide, so it'll hit us fast. And its supposed to hit Friday, I think.
Rhea Rhyolin: Wow
Rhea Rhyolin: Fuuun!
Rhea Rhyolin: Don't die
Rhea Rhyolin: You should take pictures
Saetan SaDiablo: Yes.
Saetan SaDiablo: I will go outside in 80mph winds and take pictures of cows flying past.
Rhea Rhyolin: Yay!
Saetan SaDiablo: lol
Rhea Rhyolin: I could totally use those in a layout.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 46

I had an appointment on campus first thing this morning. I have all my classes for next term picked, so I'm all ready to register them on the 17th. Hurray. My schedule turned out not only easy (.....Famous last words) but also very accommodating to my work schedule and whatever schedule I end up with because of my Work-Study Program.

This makes me a happy camper.

Wanna know what I'm taking? Sure you do, here it is:

Three CG classes the first two weeks before normal classes start, 100, 101 and 225
Math - Ind. Study (so I can come and go whenever I want, hurray!)
Writing (122) - 6:30 to 9:30 on Wednesday
Zoology (201) - 10:30 to 11:20 Monday, Wednesday and Fridays
Zoology Lab(ology) - 8:30 to 11:20 on Thursdays
Health (295) - Online

See? Great hu? Leaves me a ton of time to work and work and work, which leaves me no time to sleep, which is how it should be anyway. Since, sleep is for wussies.

Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 47

I have one of these. It is, for those of you too lazy to click on the link, 'Amazing Colored Growing Sea Life'. Of course, mine is the frog one, because frogs are fanfreakingtastic. Frogs aren't sea life though, but hey, I'm not complaining.

These things are the ones that you put in water and they supposedly 'Expand 600% of size' as the packaging shrieks in yellow lettering. It also has a red circle with 'DO NOT SWOLLOW' on it. I'm glad it says that, because I know the first thing I wanted to do when I ripped the package open was toss the thing down my gullet.

I put it in water yesterday, because, I mean, that's what it's for right? It's actually growing pretty big. I have it in a Tupperware container and it's slowly rising to the surface. It looks deformed and slightly scary. I'll take a picture as soon as I find new batteries for the camera.

Haiku-For-You!


If I give you cash,
It would be more comfortable,
If you looked less stoned.


Posts until IBOM's 1000th post: 48