"eHarmony is the best way for you to build a lasting relationship. We combine precise matching technology with the guidance of a caring and expert hand. We will not only work to find someone who is truly compatible with you, we'll also make it easier to meet and get to know each other."

You've probably heard about them, unless you live under a rock somewhere. eHarmony is currently the most popular and wealthy online dating site. Using a test that covers what they claim to be the most important 29 dimensions of compatibility, they match you with people who are supposed to be perfect for you.

Last night, during Carrie, I got bored. It's not that I was taking the fact that there were horror movies on for granted, mind you. It's just that I've seen Carrie so many times that I can recite most of it. A Munsters movie is on right now, but I'm getting off topic. The point was, I was bored. So I was just sitting here an one of those annoying eHarmony commercials came on, and I decided what the heck. So I pop on and took the "free" test that's a supposed $40.00 value. After you complete it, they give you what they consider to be your best matches.

So the online quiz...erm sorry, personality profile is about a million questions long and took me about 20 minutes to fill out. Most of them are rating and 'most like/least like' type question. I get through all the nonsense of the quiz and hit submit and I get this:

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into our rigorously defined profiles. If we aren't able to match a user well using these profiles, the most considerate approach is to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

Apparently, I'm so completely abnormal that a company who charges nearly three-hundred dollars a year can't match me up with any known species of the genus Homo on the face of the planet. Way to make a girl feel good about herself. It hurt my feelings for about a tenth of a nanosecond. Luckily for me, I could still look at my profile results, that would make it all better, right? I mean, I know I stabbed you in the face with the pencil, but hey, you can keep the pencil if you want.

I take a peek at the profile, and found that I was actually quite surprised, they hit me pretty well on the head with their profile. It had things like this listed, that were quite true:


* Your style shows you to be a much better listener than many other styles. You will listen carefully and attend to what others say. People who are talkative by nature may seek you out because of the natural audience you provide.

* You may be well thought of because you rarely antagonize others or rarely want the spotlight.


* When treated fairly, you can be sound and stable and seen as a dedicated and devoted individual. You hesitate to say no and will seldom, if ever, attack.



Yeah. I'm nice. I am not a confrontational person. I don't cause problems and when I'm faced with them, I don't belittle or name call, I just want to work it out. Also, I don't hold grudges. I am, in essence, no fun to fight with. I'm loyal, kind, and semi-amusing. So, obviously I'm an adult and can handle an adult relationship like...an adult, so what gives? Do I have to be shallow and selfish in order to be matched up with someone?

I start looking around, and I found out a whole ton of fun things about this company. Like, they're owned by very right-wing Christians who are affiliated with Focus on the Family. That in itself tells me a whole bunch right there. I'm not saying that they discriminate against other religions, but I am saying that it, combined with other things such as your responses to how much your religion is important to you, and what religion (if any) you pick during your profile for yourself and your matches probably all figure in.

Also, I've been told the eHarmony software matches girls with guys who are taller then they are. This is another strike against me, seeing as how I'm a giant and they can't match me up because the only man in existence who is taller then me is my brother. That, my friends, would just be wrong.

Fred also took it, and failed to meet their standards of people who deserve to be loved. That wasn't really that big of a surprise though. (kidding! I'm just kidding!)

I also noticed a few other things. One is that they don't offer same-sex matching. Which of course irked Fred all out. The fact that they don't think that same-sex love is a valid love really should tip people off. Maybe they didn't pick me because my profile said I was tolerant? That's such a dirty, dirty personality trait.

Also, under the religions questions, some of them, such as Wiccan and atheist or Agnostic, weren't listed (that I remember), you were just given an "other" or "not religious" category. I can understand some smaller religions, but not Wiccan? That's a major religious group. Of course, now that I know this service is mainly for good God Fearing Christians I get it. Catholic wasn't listed either.

They did have "Spiritual but not religious" listed, which was what I picked. That was probably my downfall right there. I'm tall and I'm a heathen, no man will ever love me. I guess it's time to give in and start stealing the neighborhood cats and eating Vienna sausages straight out of the can. Spinsterhood here I come!

HotD:


I need to eat lunch.
Pizza, or soup, or maybe
eat nothing at all.

American Movie Classics is right up my alley tonight. The Omen, Damian: Omen II, The Final Conflict (Omen III), Carrie, and Silver Bullet are all on in a row. I think I'm in love.

Have I mentioned I've had the apartment to myself all weekend, and will until about 9 this evening? Yep. It's like heaven, so as you can probably guess, I'm not going anywhere tonight. Oh well, I didn't feel like partying with a bunch of sailors anyway. Dirty sailors.

Instead, I did what any normal horror-loving girl would do in my situation: I went to the store and got myself the worst junk I could find. Some soda, some sour cream & onion potato chips, donuts, and pizza. There goes the five pounds I've lost since moving. No, I'm not going to eat it all, but I'm going to toss on my comfy P.J's and grab my favorite blankie (yes, blankie) and plop myself down in front of the tube for the next half-day. Anyone want to come over? Watching horror movies is so much more fun with victims company.

HotD:


Loud stomping neighbors.
I hope they don't fall or trip,
plummeting down stairs.

You've all seen this rant before, but I just can't seem to shake it. So here we go again. Why do cute guys have to ruin their cuteness by spitting? Why? I just don't get it. Nobody wants to continue a conversation with you if between words you hock it up. It's unattractive. Seriously. Nobody wants to flirt with you when you spew phlegm all over the ground. It's like picking your nose during a conversation. You wouldn't do that would you? Then why spit? Unless you do pick your nose while you're talking, in that case, take about six steps back and don't wipe your hands on my blog.

Maybe it's just me, but this spitting thing is just escalating. Pretty soon, everyone will be spitting everywhere and I'll just have to wrap my apartment in a plastic bubble and never go outside again.

I was standing outside a class yesterday having a perfectly lovely conversation with a very intelligent man and what does he do? Spits! While he's talking! Why do people do that? Didn't their mommies teach them any manners? Do they think it's sexy? Someone enlighten me here. It's just...I just...ugh.

HotD:


Wicked hard Zoo test.
I really want an A but,
it's gonna be bad, yo.

James! It's your move, boyo!

I walk to school. I walk home from school. It's really odd saying that, it's like I've been magically transported back to grade school. Except of course I don't have my cool Care Bears backpack anymore. I even have to suppress the urge to look around and make sure that there isn't anyone laying in wait to jump me for my milk money. It's weird.

I walk through a huge empty field on the way to campus and it is very desolate feeling, it's sort of like when I used to walk home from the grade school and nobody else walked the way I did. It's actually kind of nice, it gives me a chance to have some quiet time to myself.

I want my Care Bears backpack back, ok? And no, I won't trade you my cookies for your broccoli.

HotD:


Today is Wednesday.
It's only 1 O'clock but,
I need a nap now.

At last! All my juvenile whining about Blog Awards has paid off!





Kelly, you totally rock my sockies. Thank you so much! Of course, it's also so very, very true...

So my grandmother decided that since I was moving (which by the way I was told I was very rude for doing so) that she was going to move as well. The apartment she has now is much bigger and brighter then her old one. Oh, and the roof isn't caving in, and that's a big plus in my eyes.

Her new apartment though has one little problem. Her hot water smells like sulfur-laden poo. It's bad. It's so bad her whole place now smells like someone ate some turned eggs and didn't quite make it to the potty on time. After contacting the management company about it, she was told to just let the water run for a while, and the smell would go away.

My question to you all out there is, is there any sort of danger you could be in from drinking that water? I'm assuming the smell is from hot water that has either sat in the water heater and became stagnant because they didn't drain it, or that there is something wrong in the water heater itself that's causing the smell. Does anyone know? Is she just fine running it until the smell goes away, or will it be a recurring problem since she doesn't use that much hot water often? I love my Grams, I don't want her to grow an extra set of arms from being exposed to scary poo water. Even if it means she could finish sewing stuff for me faster.

Hotd:


Ethernet Cable.
Stupidly expensive stuff.
Bandwidth is halved now.

Once again I have defaulted in my posting responsibilities, and I don't blame you in the least if you stop reading my blog. Of course, there are only five of you who do read this thing, and three of you are figments of my imagination. Unfortunately, I've posted so infrequently that even my figments have stopped reading. I guess that means no blog awards for me. Damnit.

Now you probably want to know why I haven't been posting. Alright, so I suppose you don't really want to know, but hey, it's my blog, right? My non-posting hasn't been because of moving, or because of homework, or because I've been unpacking boxes, oh no. Although those are all factors of my lazypostingness, they're not the core problem. The real reason is because I've finally given into my obsessive fangirl ways and have been nurturing my deep, dark, immature, and very shameful TV crush.

And in typical fangirl style: Like, ohmigod, Naveen Andrews is, like, so freakin' hot.

Alright, that was even scary to me, but it's true. For those of you who might not know because you live under a rock, Naveen Andrews is the actor who plays Sayid on Lost. Sayid is the totally yummy Iraqi who not only looks good in a tank top (oh, and wet), but can do long division in his head. That alone wins me over.

Lost is the fantastic series on ABC about plane crash survivors, it is also the only thing I actually look forward to watching since the rat 'turds at Showtime canceled Dead Like Me. I watch it because of the plot, not because of the pretty, pretty men. Honest. Kelly, who shares my odd, almost stalkeresc crush, says I should use the above picture in a layout. Is that going too far?

I'm completely bummed that this week is a repeat, but it's ok, since this episode has a lot of Sayid in it a good plot.

Now that I feel significantly fangirlish and oddly ashamed, I'm going to go do something productive. Um...it won't involve fanfiction, I promise.

HotD:


So many meetings.
I've missed almost every one.
Because I forgot.


In game 31, move 9, I choose slot 3.

Yikes. What a week. I finally got everything of mine moved. I hate moving. I've moved six times in the last nine years, and have never completely unpacked my boxes at any place I've lived. I'm going to this time though, or I'm going to throw it all away. I've decided that anything that can sit in a box unmissed for nine years may not be worth having at all.

The living room, dining room and kitchen are set up (sans stuff that goes on the walls) and I've almost got my bathroom done. Well, I would if I'd unpack the boxes sitting in there. I haven't even touched my bedroom, that's where 90% of my unpacked boxes are still hanging out. I am a little mad at my bedroom, because it wouldn't let my computer desk through the door, so now Guido is in the living room. Remind me to post pictures as soon as all the evidence of the cyclone is gone.

I haven't posted because I've not had internet access. I ordered it last week but it didn't get installed until today. Because anticipation makes it better, or some garbage. Then, they showed up an hour late and gave me a modem that was completely shot and an Ethernet cable that had been chewed on by a dog. I mean, wow. I gave them nearly one hundred bucks but I never dreamed of having something so fabulous like a chewed on cable given back to me. I wanted to keep it, and cherish it forever, but I decided that a working modem was better in the long run so I called them back and nicely asked for a different one.

I got a brand new one, still in the plastic. Score.

Everything seems to be working peachy now. I've got basic cable too. What is on that is any good on tonight? Anyone know? Anyone? Wait! Lost is on tonight! Fantastic, I'll finally get to watch it on TV for once. I've been downloading them like a sneaky pirate because I didn't have cable before and ABC didn't come in right. Of course, I'll be completely um...lost...because I've missed the last two episodes.

HotD:


Moving is stinky.
No more moving for me ever.
I will just stay here.

In game 31, move 7, I choose slot 6.

Service Pack 2 screwed me, and not only did it not use protection, it wasn't even any good.

I went to install SP2 and my computer locked up. So, upon restart I was thrown into a nightmarish loop of Guido restarting himself over and over again. Guido wouldn't listen to me, I couldn't even get into safe mode, so I was forced to call Fred in a panic to get him to help me. Finally we ended up installing over the current version of XP so I could get back into the computer.

The word 'format' was mentioned in hush tones more then once. I know it's serious when someone actually has the gall even suggest formatting Guido. Luckily, I got everything back, and Fred and his fantastic Richard helped me fix the only problem I've found so far, my internet connection. The stupid thing wouldn't recognize the signal, but it's all good now.

All my old settings for things like log-in screens, and updates from Microsoft are gone, but I'm now really wary about installing anything from Microsoft. That was just too close of a call for my comfort. They're lucky I'm not a vindictive person, or I'd do something really nasty to them. I don't know what, but it would be really really mean.

Fred's on the phone with me now demanding a restart to "Just make sure". If I don't come back, it's because Guido finally bit the big one and even Fred and Richie couldn't fix it. Keep your fingers crossed, and in the mean time In game 31, move 5, I choose slot 2.

Microsoft XP Service Pack 2 won't install. I get a 'Access Denied' error and then it gives me a very rude hand gesture. I've done what their help files said to do (editing registry permissions) but it still won't work. Personally, I think it's because Microsoft has a deal with computer companies to make their software erronius, thus blowing up the computer, so new computers have to be purchased.

I'm on to your ploy, Microsoft! I'm almost tempted to do what James says, and buy a Mac.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what may help get this installed? I mean, becides formatting my computer, which is just an entire level of hell all on it's own. While we're at it, my CD burner no longer reads burned CDs or burns CDs. Could this be an issue that's connected? Am I just out of luck? Should I just change into a black outfit and trash Guido now? I really like him though, he's been such a good computer to me.

HotD:


Computers stink.
They should have typewriter blogs,
So much easier.


James! I shall thwart thee! In game 31, move 3, I choose slot 3.

James over at Nine2000 I are currently locked in a heated battle of Blog Connect 4. You simply type in your blog address, and the blog address of the person you want to whoop play with, and off you go. You make moves by placing text in your blog to tell it where to move for you.

I am yellow, and have the first move. Not because I'm cheating, or because I'm selfish, but because I signed us up. Honest.

My move:

In game 31, move 1, I choose slot 4.

Ok James, do your worst! If you want to watch James lose horribly us play, you can by going here.

Just a quick little nonsense post. This little flash game called Rong was oddly addictive.

It's Pong, but in a circle, and at the last few levels, with three paddles. If you're looking for something to do while avoiding work (or, like me, avoiding packing) give it a go.

My top score was a sad 303, what was yours?

I pick up the apartment keys today. I need to do the walk through where you write down everything that's wrong with the place so they can't charge you for it after you move out. After that though, I'm totally clear to move in, so I need some volunteers to help me move furniture.

Hey! Don't close the browser! I'll give you a cookie if you come help me. Two cookies? Um...the whole bag of cookies? Fine. Be that way.

Before I can do anything though I've got a lab. Today in lab we are dissecting Termites to study the contents of their stomach. It's like an episode of inter-college Fear Factor or something. Lucky me.

HotD:


I don't like to move.
Unless there are cute, strong guys
To move stuff for me.

No new layout. I lied. However, I have fantastic news. Well, it's fantastic for me at least, perhaps not for unsuspecting innocents. I got the apartment! I can move in on Thursday. How's that for swanky? I'm so completely excited, I even made up a little apartment song. It's sung to the tune of "We Just Got a Letter/We Just Figured Out Blues Clues" or whatever the real name of the song is from Blues Clues and goes like this:

I just got an apartment. I just got an apartment.
I just got an apartment, and it's really great.

Ok, so it's not the most creative piece of lyrical prose on the face of the planet, and it may or may not have a really geeky and slightly embarrassing dance that goes along with it, but I really don't care. I got my apartment, and it's fantastic.

I'll post pictures as soon as I get my keys, if anyone would like to play voyeur and perhaps stalk me. I don't mind, just bring a housewarming gift because that's just good manners.

HotD:


Today is Monday.
I got a new apartment,
And a headache too.

My website host is moving all my domains to new servers over the weekend, so if you're visiting via Blogexposion (or otherwise) the broken graphics are intentional. It's a new layout, whadda think?

Seriously though, if anything is broken it's because I'm being bullied (no, not really) around to a new server. :) Hopefully by the time everything is all situated, the holiday layout will be back in moth balls and something fun and fresh will be here. I make no promises, however.

Robin and I just took a long walk in the rain. The reason for my being completely soaked to the bone is Laura. Laura just looked at a brand new apartment. Laura is my fantastic grandmother that lives in the tri-plex that I used to live in. She lives in the one on the far end, and I lived in the middle. For those of you who don't know, this tri-plex is the same one that's owned by the people who are currently stalking me by sending strange drunk men and slightly scary women that I don't know over to my house during the wee hours of the night. The reason for the stalking is as yet undetermined, but I think it's just because they're one cracker short of a Ritz pack.

So, as Robin and I were walking over, I mentioned to Robin that I was a little uncomfortable with going to Laura's, seeing as how the people stalking me live in the apartment nextdoor, and the owner lives across the street. Infiltrating the territory of people who bang on your door for minutes on end at ten o'clock at night and then lie about why they did is kind of unnerving.

"Tell them you're not Jamie." She said.

"I'm not Jamie. I'm Jamie's evil twin, now get out of my face before I poke you in the eye with my middle finger." I said. This lead to a bout of giggles from Robin that lasted until we reached the front porch.

As we were leaving Laura's with Laura in tow, Robin told me to get my middle finger ready. So, I took it out of my pocket and showed it to her, to prove that it still worked.

On a side note, I've noticed that my last few posts have been a little on the snarky side. I apologize. It's not like me. I will be nicer in the future. I promise.

Lane and I were sharing a piece of pie at my computer desk while Michael sat near us in his high chair coloring with a blue crayon.

"Michael" She says casually, "Don't eat the crayon. We can eat the pie, we can eat bleach, but we don't eat crayons."

"Elaine!" I admonished her, turning away from whatever work I was doing at the computer. "Don't tell him that!"

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because it's not true! You can't eat bleach, but we can eat the pie, we can eat the cat food and we can eat the pine-sol, and no, we can't eat the crayon."

"I see," She said, nodding a few times before going back to picking at the pie.

Nobody did ever take the crayon away from Michael.

I am not a politics blog. I rarely post about politics, or even current events for that matter. I figure there are so many people out there who already do it, who write things a million times better then my said sorry one brain cell ever could. I'm not a confrontational person anyway, so I'm no fun. However, this really irked me, and I don't even live in this state.

Report of fetal death by mother; penalty. Provides that when a fetal death occurs without medical attendance, it shall be the woman's responsibility to report the death to the proper law-enforcement agency within 12 hours of the delivery. Violation of this section shall be punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanors.

Yeah. You read it right. If representative John A. Cosgrove has his way, all women in Virgina who have a miscarries and do not report it to the police within 12 hours get a $2,500 fine and get to go to jail for 12 months. Hurray!

Don't believe me? Oh then by all means, read all about it.

I'm livid and completely disgusted. First of all - this issue is so far removed from being the government or authorities business that it is like letting your three year old pay your household bills. Something that should never happen in a million years. Nobody has the right to ask a woman to report something this personal and tragic to them, and then threaten them will jail and fines if they don't. Why don't you just kick her in the stomach and see if you can make her barren? The feeling either way is going to be the same.

Second, what is this blantant disregard for people and their rights? Why is it that people in office want to view people - not just here in America, but everywhere - as cattle and don't even put a thought into the fact that their humans, and deserve rights and respect?

Are these people so uneducated that they don't even realize what a miscarrage usually contains? Do they even know when they happen, how often they happen, or why? This bill is just horrid and offensive, you can't call it anything else.

Thanks to Dr. Laura's Worst Nightmare for this

The cat is gone. I'm not sure where she went, but I'm worried. Why would someone abandon a deaf and blind cat on someone else's front porch? I mean, you have to have some sort of warped cruelness in you to do that. I deem it 948.3 bad Karma points.

It's obvious that she's someones cat, she's got to be at least two years old, and is well taken care of. Why would someone just dump her? Aren't they terrified she would get hit by a car, or starve to death if she got lost or nobody took her in? It gives me that sicky feeling in my stomach, like I ate some kind of dairy product that had turned, and didn't notice it until it was too late.

The other scenario, and the one I'm clinging to because I like to think that it's not deluding myself, is that she got out of her lovely warm loving home and wandered off, and her owners found her and took her home. I'm going to be keeping an eye out though.

If she comes back, what should I do? Should I take her to a vet? I can't keep her, I move in a week and I'm not allowed to have pets. Plus, my roommate is allergic to cats, so I can't even sneak her in without some kind of problem. I don't want her put down though, would a vet do that right away? What about a shelter? Would someone at least try and find her a home? What if I posted on Freecycle that she needed a loving home and someone to spend lots of time and care on her, think someone would do that?

Damnit. People suck.

HotD:


I still have homework.
I don't want to do it though,
I'd rather just sleep.

Someone abandoned a deaf and blind cat on my front porch. Isn't there a commandment in the Bible? "Thou Shall Not Abandon Thy Challenged Cat On Thy Neighbors Front Porch". Or something?

Lane (that's the sister) is refusing her surgery on her hand. So her doctor wants to set the entire thing in a cast of some sort, so she can use it as a weapon in school can't move it.

Why won't she go through the surgery? Because she doesn't want to wake up with an I.V. in her arm. Now, I hate needles as much as the next person, and I've been known to feel a little faint when they pull out the harpoon, especially when they start collapsing my veins. But really, is not having the surgery because there will be an I.V. in your arm worth never being able to properly hold a pencil to write foul words on bathroom stalls again? I don't think so, but hey, it's not my body.

If her choice is to try having it set and keeping it immobile for months then I support her. I hope that this works for her, and doesn't make it so that when she plays Volleyball in the future (she wants to do it professionally, I don't get it, but then again, I'm not really a sporty girl) that it doesn't lead to more serious injury.

Update on the apartment (because I know you all were hanging on the edges of your seat) I should know by tomorrow night if I got it. Well, let me rephrase that: I got the apartment, I should know by tomorrow night if my credit is so non-existent that I need a co-signer. I'm really hoping not, because last time I checked, my credit was good enough for Sprint to give me my cellphone without demanding a wad of cash soaked in a bucket of goats blood. Just keep those piggies crossed a teensy bit longer for me, alright?

HotD:


Ravioli soup.
You are so very tasty,
And good for me too.

My younger sister - whom it seems has also inherited my families lack of grace - broke her thumb playing Volleyball earlier today. I spent most of the rest of this afternoon assisting with trying to track down a referral from her PCG so she can go in and have surgery done within the next two days.

She snapped the tendon that holds the thumb in place, broke the bone, and sprained it (the thumb) as well. They want to put a pin in there, but she acts like they want to lop off her parts with a rusty saw and reattach lobster claws or something. I told her it would be really cool, and come in handy for opening soda bottles and cracking nuts, but she wouldn't have any of it.

We still haven't heard back from her PCG or the specialist that wants to do the surgery. I really hope they get back ahold of us soon because it's killing her. They didn't even give her tylenol. They did, however, give her a sticker. Which as I'm sure you all can agree, makes agonizing pain from a broken appendage in your dominate hand just all better. Or it would have, if I hadn't stolen it.

Well it seems the Apartment God/s/ess/divine entities/demiurge/demon/fairy/chicken/whatever has smiled down upon me and refrained from giving me a swift maniacal kick in the tushy on this one. I am pretty sure I found an apartment...on my first go `round!

It's an extremely adorable two bedroom/two bath with a ton of appliances included (washer, dryer, dishwasher, fridge, stove, garbage disposal...which scare me, but that's an entire different post all together) and sewer, water and garbage paid. I'm completely stoked, to top it all off, it's only two blocks away from campus and is actually affordable. It's like a fairytale. All I need is a handsome prince and a tiara and I'm set.

I turn in paperwork tomorrow, and I should know by the end of the week. Cross those piggies for me, would you? I really want this one, and if I have to pay any more application fees I'm pretty sure I'll be moving into a watertower.

Because you love it: THotD


It is really cold.
Frosty windows and frozen
Tootsies galore, yo.

I'm apartment hunting. It's amazing how much people want to charge just to move into an apartment. I could make a downpayment on a car for the amount their wanting. A really, really good car. With, like, doors and everything. It's extortion, that's what it is. They might as well stab me in the eye with a stick, the result is the same. Neverending pain and agony. It's especially bad since they come with practically nothing. If you're going to charge me a million dollars and the fresh soul of my first-born child for the privilege of living in an apartment with vomit brown carpeting then at least pay my utilities, or give me a washer and dryer hook up. Hell, with the prices these people charge, they can afford to even throw in a Cabana Boy. Is that too much to ask?

My soon-to-be-roommate has to be out of his place by the first of the month, so I've been trying to locate something pretty quicky. Nobody wants to be homeless in January. Unless you enjoy freezing off your much needed appendages while sleeping on a hard bench. I, however, really enjoy being warm. Oh, and not being gnawed on by sneaky little woodland animals while I nap. That's good too.

I'm trying to find an apartment that is relatively quiet and peaceful, one that doesn't have frequent visits from people in snazzy uniforms. I'm not big on having neighbors that beat on one another for amusement, or play mad scientist in their bathroom with the "Do It Yourself Meth Kit"(tm) they bought off the internet. I'm picky. I figure I have the right to be, since whatever I rent will merit the selling of some organs that I've grown quite attached to.

HotD:

Being stalked sucks, ok?
I am sick of not going outside,
Because of crazies.

Classes are back in session now. Today went very well. I had HDF245 and Zoology 202, and I went to someone elses math class with them, because deep down I just love being tortured. It's not because I secretly like math, or anything, so get that nasty little thought right out of your head.

Oddly enough I find that getting up at before God even gets out of beddy-bye and driving through ice to make a early morning class is almost worth it, since it means I'm awake in Zoology. Almost. Of course, today was only the first day of the term, so there is lots of time for things to change.

As I was leaving the main campus there was a car accident. It was an accident in the parking lot, which in Accident Land is probably on the more stupid end of the accident scale. I've decided it happened for two reasons. One: because the college hasn't opened the other parking lots for overflow parking; and two: people are morons and don't know how to drive. The proof of number two was extremely apparent to me as I watched a police office pull up and assist the accident people, and while he was taking down their statements, a car leaving the parking lot sideswiped a different car not ten feet away.

See? Morons. If you're going to get in an accident, at least do it somewhere fresh and exciting. Don't do it in front of an already existing accident scene where a cop is standing right there watching you drive like you got your license out of a Cracker Jack box. This is why I don't drive. Those people, they scare me.

And without further adieu, THotD:


Yo-Ho-Ho! Nap Time.
I think maybe that I'll nap,
Until my bed time.

So the fantastic Wesboro Baptist Church released another press release today akin to that thanking their god for the death of 2,000 dead Swedes (you can read it here, if you want to be sick to your stomach). Today they released another one again thanking their god for the death of 3,000 Americans. Personally, I'm hoping my God (because mine sure as hell ain't theirs) gives them a good shaking in the middle of the night and knocks some sense in their tiny marble-sized bigoted brains.

The other night I was flipping through channels and it landed on TBN. For those of you who don't know, The Trinity Broadcasting Network is like the largest Christian TV broadcast thingie on the planet. Sometimes I leave it there because it's fascinating to see how people who have been brainwashed by tainted organized religion behave. I've got nothing against religion, organized or not, or God, but there are far too many lines that are being blurred and crossed and far too much hate and irrationality being spewed by people who claim to be "God Loving Christians".

Anyway, Paul Crouch, one of the founders of TBN was doing some sort of bible study on the Kings of Israel and he was talking about how it was a fascinating study because the Kings changed so much. First there would be a King who would force everyone to worship idols and would taint the land and then God would uprise a new King that would banish the idols and return the people to Jehovah. The guy sitting with him sat up excitedly and said "Oh! Like the United States!" You know, Bush being the chosen son of God and all. I got a bruise from falling off my bed. I guess I laughed too hard.

With more and more people thinking it's ok to behave like the scary Baptists. We're in a doozy of a pickle, boys and girls, and it's just going to get worse. Personally, I'm thinking Canada wouldn't be so bad after all. I can always get extra gloves.

What are your New Years resolutions? Are they to stop smoking? To stop stalking? Maybe to shower once in a while? You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine. I'll even go first.

1. To travel out of state, because I love to travel but can't afford to go out of the country. I don't care where I go. Preferably legally and not because I've been extradited. Maybe to visit Fred.

2. To get in better shape. You know, because everyone else is doing it. I'm even going to make a blog about it, one that is even more whiny then this one! Huzzah!

3. Eliminate 10 things off my Things to Do Before I Die list. I don't know what ten things, but at least ten of them.

Now, let's see if I can do it, shall we?

Tomorrow is the Secret Santa for the YCC. I scheduled it for this week because I figured that three weeks was more then enough time for the kids to forget they have to buy someone a present and then come looking guilty to the class, or not coming at all, so I have to rush around and find cover presents for everyone.

I got some coloring books, puzzles, crayons and colored pencils. This is what happens when you make the person-who-corrects-you-when-you-call-her-teacher buy the presents. Everyone ends up with school supplies. That'll teach them.

Hopefully nobody did forget, however. Nothing is worse then showing up to something with a shiny face full of joy because you're getting a present, and the person who picked you didn't buy you one because they suck forgot. That, my friends, is far more scarring then my jokes about selling children to gypsies for stew could ever be.

The bugs in the bug food creeped me out, and now I'm all itchy and crawly. I think I'll take another shower. Crickets I can do, because without them Kero croaks, and not in the good froggy way, but maggots and other wormy things just make me....ugh. This is why he doesn't eat meal worms, because I'm a wuss.

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope you all had a very safe and fantastic New Years Eve. One not riddled with vomit and/or blood. My bowling fell through, so instead I played video games until 1 A.M. It made me feel like the slacker I never got to be in high school. I love games, but I rarely get to play them, and math is just not the same.

The last time I actually played a PS2 game was nearly a year ago. See? I am so abused. Of course, the fact that I don't own a PS2 could be a big part in it. I'm playing Kingdom Hearts because I've never played it before, and I have Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories and I figured...I should play the first one before I play this one, right? Otherwise I won't know what is going on...Yeah. It sounded more convincing in my head.

Anyway, to celebrate the New Year today, I played a few more hours of Kingdom Hearts (I have the PS2 until Monday, when I promised on my firstborn child I'd return it. He hugged it before he gave it to me, so I'm pretty sure keeping it any longer then Monday is not an option. I think I would end up dead somewhere.) and then I went apartment shopping. Actually, I just wrote down numbers of complexes with apartments for rent near campus, since no rental offices are open today. I found a bunch that were totally cute, plus, I found the most adorable two bedroom house about a mile away from the college. A house. I'd love to live in a house, not just any house, but a house that is my house. More or less. I don't like apartments. It's a bit of a walk away, and I don't have a car, but walking a mile back and forth from campus is no big deal. I don't think I'll look any further then a mile in any direction though. Lancaster has major traffic and I don't want to end up road hash.

Speaking of renting and apartments, my ex-Landladies daughter came over this morning banging on the door saying she had something "extremely important to discuss with me". I was in the shower, so I didn't talk to her. So, what in the world could this uber important thing be? I don't have anything to do with her (the daughter), and anyway, the rental agreement was with her mother not her and I moved out over a year ago. I don't owe them any money - I even paid rent for months in which the apartment was (by law) inhabitable and I didn't have to pay, but did because I felt bad about it. So, who knows, but I don't really have anything to say to any of them.

Oh well. Hey, when I went to feed Kero's crickets, there were bugs in their food. How gross is that? Bugs in the bug food. I had to dump it all out. That crap is eight bucks a box too. Next time, remind me to keep it in the freezer.

HotD:


Geesh. Give me a break.
Valentine's Day is far off,
What's with the stuff already?